Blogging on the Powwow

Washington, D.C. May 26, 2017 Dear Drake: You didn’t know it, but last summer you were about to face the hardest year of your life, because I went away to Washington. You didn’t know that I would leave, but I did. I left you in the very capable hands of Neil, who even though he would never choose to have a dog, is perfectly capable of caring for you and is only willing to do so, because he would probably do almost anything within his power for his wife. We have been so lucky to have so much help with you this year. Nora, who, as you know, we met in puppy class in April of 2009, has taken care of you on and off since that time. This year has been no exception…well, there has been no “off” time for her. I know how much you love her and her sweet-natured golden retriever, Baxter. And, even though you routinely bully him and push him around, he is your best buddy. (But, Baxter does have his limits. Remember that time that you pushed the limit with him over and over when we ...

I spent my 20s with my head down - finishing my undergraduate degree and then five years in graduate school until I finished my PhD when I was 29. When I wasn't studying I was being a part-time parent to Dorothy and whatever neighborhood kids were in our house, and running a Girl Scout troop. I hadn't even started jogging yet; I wasn't playing the oboe; I barely ever cooked anything beyond baked potatoes, pasta, or steamed broccoli. We had a dog and I walked him daily, but that's pretty much it. Neil only saw me when I was studying. It was an extremely focused and somewhat narrow time in my life.  I didn't invest in friendships very well. I maintained contact with some high school friends; the distance is probably what worked well because we kept in daily touch through email. I could fit that in between writing papers and even in the wee hours of the morning when I was too tired to study any more. We had friends with whom we celebrated our holidays, were friendly ...

I met Trevor in fall of 1987, I believe, at Deering High School in Portland during a rehearsal for the Portland Youth Symphony Orchestra and the Portland Youth Wind Ensemble. These were, and still are, music ensembles for select young players in southern/central/midcoast Maine. Trevor played oboe, too, was two years ahead of me in high school and we became good friends. It helped that his high school music program in Camden and my high school music program in Topsham (SAD-75) were usually top-ranking in state competitions. So, in addition to seeing him weekly in Portland, I would occasionally see Trevor during other music events throughout the academic year and at All-State Music Festivals. Then our schools did an exchange and performed at each other’s schools. My family hosted Trevor and some of his friends during this exchange. Then I got my license and being the “willing to drive anywhere, anytime, any distance” person that I am – my friend, Kathy and I, made the occasional trip to...

I travel to Maine regularly since my step-daughter, Dorothy, is only about an hour away in southern Maine. For someone who commutes 90 minutes each way to work--through Boston--it is almost a treat to shoot up I-95 into Maine. Easy-peasy. But, every 3 months or so I plan a more extensive trip into Maine, north of Portland, to visit family and friends. I usually cram as many visits as possible into a single day. I'm someone who likes to be busy, so this works very well for me, and I like to think, for others as well. This past Sunday I made stops in Biddeford, Saco (that was for Reny's , I confess), Brunswick, Woolwich, and Topsham (where I got in another stop in at a Reny's) . I knocked off four visits with friends and family, made a drop-off at another friend's house, and hit two Reny's stores. It was a productive day! Here are some of my lessons learned and discoveries made on this quick trip back to my home state.  We've lived in Massachusetts for five ye...

What an odd week - one that started with love, admiration, and glory in Idaho, and that ended with disdain, confusion, and despair in Las Vegas. The true purpose of my travels was to attend/present at the annual conference of the American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children , which was being held in Las Vegas this year. I took a brief detour and visited a childhood friend and neighbor, Heather , and her family, in Idaho. It has been my sincere pleasure to reconnect with Heather through the wonders of Facebook. It was such a delight to visit Heather and her family. I study child maltreatment and other forms of family violence, so it is very important to remind myself of all of the healthy parent-child relationships that exist in the world. There's no better place for me to start than with Heather and her family. Her children are happy, healthy, thriving, and are supported through life's challenges by their parents, larger family, and community. It's a beautiful thi...

My 40th birthday turned out to be great. I planned what I hoped would be a wonderful day for myself and indeed, it was! When I was 29 and about to turn 30, I attended a conference in San Diego. I spotted a colleague, who I had only briefly met back at the research center at UNH, at one of the conference sessions. I wasn't as practiced at making friends back then, but I pushed through whatever hesitation I had about approaching this colleague and was greatly rewarded! I discovered that Wendy and I had so much in common: we loved rural areas, mountain hiking, similar foods, exercise, and were both partnered with men much older than ourselves.  Wendy and I had both, independently, planned to leave San Diego on the same day at similar times; in fact, we shared a taxi to the airport very early on what was my 30th birthday. Wendy and I have remained good friends, hiking together in the White Mountains, sharing marathon strategies, and having dinners together with our husbands. Thus, it s...

We're getting close to the time of year when Trevor called to tell us about Mark. It was November 12, actually. I was meeting with students in my office in the evening. Neil was teaching in Gorham. I called him with the bad news. Silence. The truth is, I never knew Mark very well. I knew Mark through other people - Neil, Trevor, and Neil's colleagues. Mark visited Neil and me at our home in Saco on occasion. Between these visits and the stories I heard, Mark made a tremendous impression on me. Mark was larger than life. He was a fantastically talented oboist. Mark was driven in a way that caused most people to take pause. He was incredibly demanding of his students and even more demanding of himself. He poured himself into his work in a way that would crush most of us - solo, chamber music, teaching, administrative duties in Iowa, recordings, auditions ("just to stay fresh"), festivals, music camps, and the like. His productivity knew no limits. I'm a highly p...

Our neighbor, Richard, is one of the most helpful neighbors a person could ever want. He gives willingly of his time, knows the area and resources available to residents, is endlessly patient, and has a house full of tools, supplies, household items, and small machinery that he is willing to lend to anyone on a moment's notice.  My readers might remember me saying that within a couple of weeks of moving into our present home we decided to take down a small bundle of trees. Richard showed up and saw that Neil was missing a tool. He said unassumingly, "I've got that tool. I'll be right back." He was back within 10 minutes, with said tool and spent the next three hours helping us cut and discard of our trees. This scenario has been repeated about 50 times over the past 4 years. Richard - helping us cut down tress in our new yard, summer 2008. Despite last year's light snowfall, the years that preceded it brought us significant precipitation. Richard likes ...