My Rock of an Oboe Buddy, Trevor

I met Trevor in fall of 1987, I believe, at Deering High School in Portland during a rehearsal for the Portland Youth Symphony Orchestra and the Portland Youth Wind Ensemble. These were, and still are, music ensembles for select young players in southern/central/midcoast Maine. Trevor played oboe, too, was two years ahead of me in high school and we became good friends. It helped that his high school music program in Camden and my high school music program in Topsham (SAD-75) were usually top-ranking in state competitions. So, in addition to seeing him weekly in Portland, I would occasionally see Trevor during other music events throughout the academic year and at All-State Music Festivals. Then our schools did an exchange and performed at each other’s schools. My family hosted Trevor and some of his friends during this exchange. Then I got my license and being the “willing to drive anywhere, anytime, any distance” person that I am – my friend, Kathy and I, made the occasional trip to visit Trevor in Camden.

Trevor & me in Camden, 1989. Aren't we cute?
Trevor graduated and went to college at the University of Iowa to study with one of the nation’s top oboists. We went our separate ways, but always stayed in touch. I sent Trevor written letters, oral letters which I spoke onto an audio tape, and I even sent Trevor a pumpkin in the mail to wish him a happy Halloween. In the fall of 1989, during Trevor’s first year at college, I accompanied Kathy on her trip to Midwest colleges and auditions at music schools. Of course, Iowa was in the mix. We stayed with Trevor and his two roommates. Female students and visitors were not allowed on the “all-male” floor of his dorm. This added some excitement to our visit, especially when we snuck out to take the elevator to the “all-female” floor to shower. So, the friendship with Trevor continued.

Unknowingly, another common feature that kept us in touch in the future was Trevor’s oboe teacher in Iowa, Mark Weiger. Mark was one of Neil’s former students and when Mark passed away in 2008, it was a comfort for me to share this burden with Trevor. In fact, it was Trevor who called us with the news.

So, our lives carried on, as lives do, especially when we are in young adulthood. I went to music conservatory in Cleveland to study opera. Trevor came to visit me. I left a year later and went to Clark University in Worcester, Massachusetts to study psychology. Trevor went to Hartt School of Music in Hartford, Connecticut for a master’s degree in oboe performance. We were an hour apart. We made the occasional visit, and carried on with the occasional letter and phone call.

I finished school. Trevor finished school and got a job with the Louisville Orchestra. So, now Trevor would become a resident of the bluegrass state – Neil’s native state. Neil and I moved in together. Trevor came to visit. (How could he resist?) Neil and I got married and Trevor attended our wedding. In fact, the day before our wedding one of Neil’s colleagues had to bail on a performance and Trevor, in need of work, took the job. I remember ironing a tux shirt for him before he went to play. And, on it went for years. Annual visits when Trevor came to see family in the northeast, occasional calls, birthdays, letters, email, and then Facebook. I don’t think that Trevor has missed a single major event in our family’s history: wedding, 10 year anniversary party, my 40th birthday party and on and on. Moreover, every time Trevor came to visit, we would just incorporate him into our lives…walks with the neighborhood kids, snowshoeing with me and our Lab, grocery shopping, swimming with kids in tow (or should I say “with Trevor in tow?”)…I even took him to a mandatory Girl Scout cookie leader meeting. Trevor filled in for an absent oboist in my community band in 2011 when he happened to be visiting. Just what a professional musician doesn’t need – to play with a group of non-professionals during his vacation. I even forced him to play second oboe to me! What a good sport!

Trevor & me, after concert with Seacoast Wind Ensemble, Newburyport, 2011
As much as I like to maintain perspective on where I am, where I have been, and where I am going, I’ve missed the boat on Trevor. At one point I looked up and realized that Trevor has been a remarkably good friend, for years, who always made time for me, endured the drama that comes with visiting Neil & me, and never, ever, as far as I can tell, passed judgment on a whole host of things that might have inspired judgment! This is the mark of a wonderful friend.

But, I also couldn’t ignore the truth. In all of our years together, after Trevor left the northeast, I have only been to see him once, and that was because we happened to be in Louisville for a family reunion for Neil’s family…hardly a remarkable effort on my part. So, this year when I am on sabbatical, I promised to make good on my repeated and false promises to visit him. In fact, I'm in Louisville right now, sitting on Trevor's couch as I write this!


Just in case I haven’t said it enough, Trevor, you’re the absolute best, a rock of friend if there ever was one. 
Trevor & me, the Big Four Bridge in Louisville, 2014

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