Blogging on the Powwow

Shortly after Neil died, people would say to me, "You know it's okay to not be okay." Truthfully, I can't imagine pretending to be okay. Someone recently asked if there would be tears at his service. No tears at the service? Since I shed tears everyday--at home, in the car, in the grocery store, at rehearsal, while I am out running, in my office, at his office, why would I not shed tears at his service? We are planning a "come as you are" event. All emotions are welcome.  I've lost my person in this world and I'm at the beginning of a very long journey to learn to live without Neil. It's unwelcome and most unreal, but here I am. Given Neil's age, I can't say it was totally unexpected, but the weight of his loss hits just as hard.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve. My approach to grieving reminds me a bit of my approach for when I moved to Washington D.C. to work in the U.S. Senate. Without a doubt, that's an exciting opportuni...

Five years ago this week I penned a blog post called " Blink ," in which I wrote about the fact that at that time, I had been married for 15 years. Fast forward five years to this week. On June 7, Neil and I will have been married for 20 years. In case it's not clear, that's two decades. So, this blog post title captures a bit more drama than the one before. Two decades? Blink. Blink. PAUSE. More Blinking!! What a beautiful day - and just look how red my hair was! I recently wrote a blog post about noticing that I'm in my mid-40s , so I'll just say what everyone says at these times: Twenty years?   How does this happen? When I was young I once overheard my mother talking to a high school classmate. They were marveling at the passage of time since they had finished high school. I remember my mother saying, "It's only the days that are long." Indeed, that seems to be the case. So, what does 20 years of matrimony look like? Three ...

A capital time in the capitols in the capital cities... Unless I was describing Washington, D.C. Then it would be a capital time in the Capitol in the capital city. Lest my readers are confused, I direct them back to this explanation for the uses of capital vs. capitol vs. Capitol . Yes, I digress right up front in this blog post and I take delight in it. Years ago...literally years ago... I'm old enough to say that now... As in about two decades ago, when Neil and I were first married, we used to like to speak in e-prime , just for an intellectual exercise. This is when one excludes the use of "to be" in all written or spoken text. For example, instead of saying, "The speaker was good." One might say, "The audience liked the speaker." Once upon this was quite easy; this time it took me 10 minutes to come up with a simple example after rejecting 15 others that all used a form of "to be." But, I digress. How I digress. I've been visiti...

I'm back in Washington. Despite the frigid weather, I had a wonderful trip home, with many lessons learned. Never Underestimate When Being a Runner will Come in Handy Last Friday, I was on a flight that arrived at Logan Airport in Boston at 5:03pm. It was my goal to make the 5:10 C&J bus that would bring me to the Newburyport bus station, which is just five or so miles from my house. In theory, the bus arrives  at the airport at 5:10, but then starts making the rounds to each terminal, A, B1, B2, C, etc. As long as one does not fly into terminal A, one can count on a small cushion to catch the bus. I did some trotting inside the airport, because I knew it would be close. When I neared the exits I saw that it was 5:14...not likely that I would make the bus since I was in terminal B1. I got outside and hurried in the direction toward the C&J stop. Then I saw the coming toward me. I tried to flag it down, but failed. I felt defeated. Then a man who had witnessed my eff...

That's a good question. I'm in Washington, D.C. now and I keep asking myself, What am I doing here, anyway?!  I've been getting a lot of questions about why I'm in Washington, D.C. and what I'll be doing. Here's the Cliff Notes version. I have been appointed by the Society for Research on Child Development to serve as a Congressional fellow. What does a Congressional fellow do?  Another good question! Many professional societies/associations appoint Congressional fellows annually, where the goal is to bring highly skilled individuals (people with PhDs) to the policy arena and at the same time, to expose highly skilled individuals to the policy-making process. Here's what my sponsoring professional association says about Congressional fellowships. The SRCD Congressional Fellowship Program is designed to provide greater interaction between the developmental research community and Congress. Fellows spend one year with a placement that involves working for ...

Neil gave me permission to write this post in case it helps someone else. My husband, Neil, used to smoke...a lot. He smoked in the shower, when he was riding a bike...he even kept a cigarette between his fingers when he practiced the oboe so he could take a few drags when resting his chops. If you know Neil, then you know that Neil never did or does anything small. It's been several decades since he lit-up, but when his doctor asked him if he wanted to go for a free lung cancer screening for people with a history of smoking, he reluctantly said yes. He was sure that he would have a false-positive, which is of course when health professionals think there is a problem, but there is not. Well, it turned out that there was a problem -- he had a true-positive. A small, active mass in his lower left lung. My good friend, Kathy, said, "You tell those doctors that Neil doesn't have cancer. He can't have cancer. It's just Oboe Lung...a small collection of reed dust in ...

Technology doesn't come easily to all of us. I feel competent dealing with most of the technology that I encounter, but I certainly don't consider myself an expert. My husband, Neil, however, struggles mightily with technology. We've been working on how to save a file on his computer (not the same computer) since 1995. I think that it got it a couple of years ago. Despite the many challenges that technology presents to him and his tendency to want to be a Luddite, he sits in front of his computer every day - throwing himself into the work that technology presents him, struggling to master what he wishes to accomplish...email, Word documents, web searches, YouTube, photo editing, music notation software and the like. It's rough work, but here's there everyday, mastering technology, which can only be done with the assistance of some curse words and regular threats to throw the computer in the river. Neil was fascinated by smartphones long before he ever had one. We ...

Can you believe it? I wrote this post on Thanksgiving weekend and before I knew it, Christmas was here and over. But, since I wrote it, I'd like to post it, even if it is late...and it's all still true! -------------------------------------- It has taken me a while to get around to writing a blog post about being thankful. I am thankful. Of course, I am thankful, is my most common response. I am thankful for all the things that I should  be thankful. I love and I am loved in return, by humans and my canine. I have a home, and even better, a home that I like and cherish. I am warm. I have a job and an income to cover my basic needs, and then some. I am healthy and no one in my life has a chronic or life-threatening health condition. I can go about my business without interference from law enforcement or government. This is the condensed version. The expanded version addresses the aspects of my life for which I am most thankful weekly, if not, daily. I am most thankful f...

I started this as a Facebook post a few days ago, but took it down and decided to write a full blog post. I've never been great at pitch -- my own or someone else's. Sharp? Flat? Adjust up, adjust down? Is it right now? No idea. It's a terrible thing for a child of two music teachers to admit. It's even worse for an oboist to admit, given that we give the tuning note for the ensemble. But, that's what tuners are for, right? Well, something hasn't been right with my pitch, or so I thought. I always leave my tuner on during rehearsals, but now I started keeping it on during my practice sessions. Sharp. Regardless of the reed, the weather...sharp on all notes above middle B.  I talked to Neil. Which reed? All reeds.  Which notes? Everything over B.   Well, you could have a crack.  A crack? Had I cracked Neil's beloved, old Laubin? I confessed to Neil that in a moment of weakness I had pulled out my reed 1 millimeter to get my pitch down during rehearsal...

Apparently someone named William Clark, or someone who uses the name William Clark and whose email address is: wclark200@yahoo.com . Last week Neil mentioned to me that he had received an unusual request from "William Clark," for oboe lessons for his 13 year old daughter, Mary. He stated that they were out of the country, but would soon be coming to the United States. Mr. Clark failed to answer any of Neil's usual questions for new students, such as how long Mary had been playing, inquires about her instrument, and whether they would be taking lessons at USM or Dartmouth - the locations of his two teaching studios. Neil usually asks if the child has, in addition to playing oboe, any other tendencies toward self-injurious behavior. Silent on all of these matters.  Then Mr. Clark wanted to pay for several weeks of lessons upfront. Neil had never encountered this before, but why would a free-lance musician say no to a parent wanting to pay for lessons in advance? Then N...