Blogging on the Powwow

 I've been searching my brain for the best title for this post... Something that feels clever, something that doesn't feel too whinny, something that has some levity to a dark topic... I landed here: It's Not the Heat, It's the Humidity.  I like it. Because while some days the grief is awful and I still cannot believe that Neil is gone, other days, it's the clean-up of Neil's life that drags me into the ground. So, perhaps a more fitting title is: It's Not the Grief, It's the Clean-Up.  The clean-up isn't clean at all. It's very messy. It's messy with my emotions and it's messy in the process. Let's wander down this messy path for a bit.  We all have things that we don't really want to do and our mind has a way of "helping us forget" to do them. Most of the "cleaning out" of Neil's life has been this way. "Oh, yes, I need to call the funeral home!" But, I'm in the shower. "Oh, yes, I forg...

Shortly after Neil died, people would say to me, "You know it's okay to not be okay." Truthfully, I can't imagine pretending to be okay. Someone recently asked if there would be tears at his service. No tears at the service? Since I shed tears everyday--at home, in the car, in the grocery store, at rehearsal, while I am out running, in my office, at his office, why would I not shed tears at his service? We are planning a "come as you are" event. All emotions are welcome.  I've lost my person in this world and I'm at the beginning of a very long journey to learn to live without Neil. It's unwelcome and most unreal, but here I am. Given Neil's age, I can't say it was totally unexpected, but the weight of his loss hits just as hard.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve. My approach to grieving reminds me a bit of my approach for when I moved to Washington D.C. to work in the U.S. Senate. Without a doubt, that's an exciting opportuni...